The Anticipation

Within the waiting time, I got lucky and got a chance to go to the fabulous city of New York which I have described in my blog NYC Travelogue. Actually it was quite a respite since I had something better to think about that meditating over and over my decision about MBA and my financial planning for that. I took almost a month’s leave before my course was supposed to begin and visited many friends and family members in that time. I attended marriage of friends in that time and basically enjoyed a lot before it got too late to remember what enjoyment means.

For a large chunk of that time I was at my home just relaxing, eating and surfing the net as I didn’t have anything better to do. Everybody around me was excited with the notion that I am going for study in a foreign country and will be onto something real big after that. I too had big dreams and was planning for the same in that idle time. I was happy to quit coding which I hated before and now think was not a bad option if it earns you decent salary and makes you visit wonderful places like Bahamas, Barbados and New York. Now I was jobless and the thought of not getting salary in my bank account at the end of month anymore was scaring me. I was soon going to become a poor student but the problem was I was not able to cut down on spending no matter how hard I tried. I just let it go with the thought that it will also go with time.

Actually as the time was approaching for me to approach my destination, all my confidence of getting something better from a management degree was evaporating. I was forgetting the teachings of “Thinking Big” and was many times awaken with the dreams from “Snapshots from the Hell”.

Before leaving India I was trying to enjoy every moment and do all my favorite things because I didn’t know when I am going to get opportunity to that again in my life. With all these thoughts, plans and premonitions, I set-off for Singapore to discover myself and to discover new ways to discover myself. When the flight took of from the Delhi airport, a distinct fear crept in and it was nothing new. The fear was “Whether I have made the right decision”. I knew I have taken a big risk and prayed to God to guide me through the tough times if there are any coming my way. In the end before dozing off in the dimmed lights of the plane I thought…” If you can’t take risk, you can’t make it big”. But was that another consolation….or….